Parenting as a PGR: embracing the challenge

In this post, Ed Clay, a PGR in the Department of Modern Languages and a father of twins, gives his tips for juggling parenthood and PhD research.

Lots of postgraduate researchers refer to their PhD project as their ‘baby’. That is, of course, until they have a real one! It goes without saying that parenting while doing a PhD comes with its difficulties, but none of them are insurmountable, and some may even end up helping to motivate you through to the finish line. I’m sure there are endless pieces of advice for PhD parents out there but hopefully my experiences might help people in a similar position to embrace the challenge.

Ed Clay

In my experience, the most important thing to do from the outset is to make sure you have the right mindset. Stop comparing yourself to PGRs who are not parents and stop feeling like you need to do everything they do. The reality is that you will need to make sacrifices and simply won’t be able to commit to as many conferences and other opportunities as you might like. However, this can also work in your favour because it forces you to be selective and only sign up to those things that you are sure will benefit you directly.

It is likely that you will go through periods of feeling guilty for being away from your children and for not spending all the time you have with them because of your research commitments. I find the best way to overcome this is, where possible, to make sure you have regular family time each day and each week that is protected and sacrosanct, and ensure that you put your research to the back of your mind during all those times. It’s not always easy to switch off like this, but the more you try to do this, the easier you will find it to cope with the feelings of guilt when you are away from them.

In practical terms, I have found that there are other seemingly small changes you can make to your day-to-day research routine which can have a big impact on your family life. If you are lucky enough to have children who sleep relatively well through the night, as ours now do, then try to make the most of the time that you have when they are asleep. I work well in the early morning, so I found getting up an hour or so before the children allowed me to increase my undisturbed working hours significantly per week.

This might seem like an obvious change, but at first I was rigidly sticking to my usual working hours that I had before children, and getting frustrated when my productivity was not as good. This wouldn’t work for everyone and some people much prefer working later in the evening, but it is important to think creatively about how you can block out a decent amount of time for yourself to get research done in a way that doesn’t affect the time you are able to spend with your children.

The main thing to remember when working your way through PhD research while also raising a family is that your research routine will look very different from most other researchers because you obviously need to prioritise your children. However, prioritising your children does not mean putting your PhD work on the back-burner, just that you need to be a little more creative in how your manage your time and be selective on what you commit to. Don’t be afraid to say ‘no’ to things that don’t fit with your plans. After all, that great feeling when you finally submit your thesis will make those late nights (or early mornings) all worth it!

Juggling Priorities: Navigating Parenthood and Postgraduate Studies with Grace

Starting yesterday, the University of Birmingham’s Parents and Carers Fortnight 2023 is a programme of events from the Parents and Carers Network. Natalia Hartono, a final year PhD student in Mechanical Engineering, shares how she balances her research programme with her responsibilities as a parent.

Balancing the responsibilities of being a postgraduate researcher and a parent is a unique challenge that demands sacrifice and unwavering determination. In this blog post, I will share my personal journey, highlighting the valuable lessons I’ve learned along the way. Despite the difficulties, maintaining a positive mindset, embracing personal growth, and having positive supports have been instrumental in navigating this demanding lifestyle.

Embracing Scholarships and Responsibilities

Receiving scholarships to pursue my postgraduate studies was a privilege, but it also came with significant responsibilities. Meeting requirements and achieving milestones demanded substantial time and effort. I am grateful for the opportunity to pursue my studies and acknowledge the sacrifices my family has made to support me on this journey.

Finding Joy in the Journey

Natalia competing in the final of the 2022 UoB 3MT

Participating in university events and competitions has truly enriched my academic experience. Instead of fixating solely on winning, I have always prioritised embracing the joy that comes from the process itself. I firmly believe that the true value lies in the growth and learning that occur along the way, regardless of the final outcome. This mindset is something I am wholeheartedly instilling in my child, teaching her the importance of embracing both successes and failures as opportunities for personal development. By embodying resilience and persistence, I am actively laying a foundation for my child’s future, emphasizing the fulfilment that stems from the journey rather than the pursuit of victory.

The Price of Pursuing Higher Education

Behind the accomplishments lie a multitude of sacrifices: sleepless nights, working on weekends and holidays, and missing out on leisure time have been part of my journey. However, I always make an effort to find dedicated time for my daughter, showing her that she is loved and cared for. While the path has not been easy, my family and I have prioritised my studies, knowing that these sacrifices are temporary and will ultimately benefit our collective future.

Overcoming Challenges During the Pandemic

Starting my PhD and adjusting to a new school for my child in a foreign country coincided with the pandemic’s challenges. Lockdowns and school closures disrupted our routines, but through resilience and unwavering support, we navigated through. My husband’s understanding and our commitment to prioritising our daughter’s needs played a vital role. Night-time chats became our solace, fostering stability. I adapted my study routine to dedicate focused time at night, balancing academics with my daughter’s emotional well-being. This experience taught us the value of flexibility, adaptability, and family support in challenging times, strengthening our bond.

The Power of Supportive Networks and Services

Building a strong support system is crucial for successfully balancing parenting and postgraduate studies. My relationship with my supervisor and research group has provided invaluable guidance and encouragement. Additionally, utilising resources such as Library Services and joining networks like the “Shut Up and Work” community have improved my time management skills and created a supportive environment. Importantly, I’ve also recognised the importance of seeking help when needed and accessing mental health support during periods of burnout.

Navigating the demanding yet fulfilling phase of balancing parenthood and pursuing postgraduate studies requires sacrifice, understanding, consistency, and a positive mindset. Throughout my personal journey, I have come to appreciate the significance of embracing the process and cherishing the valuable lessons learned from both triumphs and setbacks. The unwavering support of my family and the resources available to me have been invaluable. Although the path may not always be easy, prioritising and fostering a supportive environment enable us to navigate this demanding yet fulfilling phase of our lives. Remember, you are not alone—seek support, maintain a positive outlook, and find joy in gracefully managing these intertwined priorities.

#takebreaksmakebreakthroughs

Birmingham 2022, the Commonwealth Games, finishes today. Birmingham, and the University of Birmingham Hockey & Squash Centre, has been awash with athletes and spectators from across the globe and the atmosphere has been lively and friendly. Perry has been out and about at all the venues helping to get the parties started.

The teams prepare for the third quarter in the men’s final between Australia and India at the University of Birmingham Hockey Centre.

So what does this have to do with your research programme? Nothing. Nothing at all. Sometimes it’s necessary to take a break, and if the sun is out and there’s an international festival going on in your University’s city, then that seems like a good time to take it. Whether you enjoy sport or not, there’s a festival atmosphere and plenty going on.

PGR: Parent grappling with research?

This week is part of the University of Birmingham’s Parents and Carers Fortnight 2022. Sarah Chung, a parent and a PGR in the School of Education, shares the strategies which help her balance the demands of both.

I never thought that I would be doing a PhD. I particularly didn’t think I would be doing a PhD whilst navigating the wonderful world of parenthood. However, in 2018 I found myself doing exactly that. I was nervous – I think every postgraduate researcher has heard at least one horror story and, in my case, I had friends who had completed PhDs in their early/mid 20s and without children, who had said how hard it had been. However, having previously done my Masters in the School of Education, I knew how supportive the lecturers and staff were, and so I began my journey as a part-time postgraduate researcher.

Photo by Juan Pablo Serrano Arenas on Pexels.com

There were many aspects of studying for my PhD that were tricky initially and part of my first year was spent working out how, or if, I could make it work. For me, ensuring that my research work didn’t impact on my time with my children was essential and so, through some trial and error, I found a schedule that worked for us. So, what helped?

Step away from the screen

I have a friend who routinely gives up social media for her Lenten sacrifice. While I would find it a bit extreme to give up all social media (either temporarily or permanently), I do find myself admiring her ability to switch it all off a little wistfully. Some days it feels like I spend the whole time simply switching from one screen (laptop) to another (phone) to another (TV) before sleep, only to start again with another screen first thing the next morning. And when there’s so much distressing news coming through all online channels, we can all be prone to a bit of doomscrolling, even though we know it’s not helping (us or anyone else).

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

So maybe this is a good time to think about changing our habits to get away from the glare of the screen and/or the distractions which come with being always connected. No doubt both our eyes and wellbeing will thank us! Here are some actions I have found particularly useful for this.

A novel way to spend Christmas

With a lot of talk at the moment about the Omicron variant, reduced socialising, and potential lockdowns, it may be tempting to consider continuing with research work over the 2021 Christmas vacation and University Closed Period.

In this video, Professor Vikki Burns recalls advice given to her by her PhD supervisor in the first year of her PhD:

So wherever you are this Christmas period, and whoever you do manage to see, make sure you are taking time away from your research, tell yourself you should not be working at this time, and find something completely different to do. If you want to take Vikki’s supervisor’s advice literally, there are novels available to borrow from the Main Library – try some from this list.

Remember, #takebreaksmakebreakthroughs. Prioritise coming back to your work in January refreshed and revitalised, and ready to take on 2022.

Taking Part in #AcWriMo: Reflections and Responses

November is Academic Writing Month (#AcWriMo) and in this post, Liam Knight, a PGR in the Department of English Literature and a Westmere Scholar, reflects on his experience of participating in last year’s event.

Back in 2020, I took part in AcWriMo, a month-long writing event in which people working within academia set themselves goals to accomplish over the month of November (e.g. write X000 words, collect X amount of data sets, read X number of papers, etc.) and then use their local and online academic communities to keep themselves accountable and supported and ensure that they reach those goals (or come as close as is reasonably possible)!

Details of this year’s #AcWriMo at UoB, hosted by your Westmere Scholars

PhD Chats: (re)connecting with the PGR community

Faith Van Horne, a PGR in the Department of Theology and Religion and Diana Cruz de Oliveira, a PGR in Mechanical Engineering introduce PhD Chats, informal, guided conversations reconnecting PGRs.

When Faith started her PhD program, one of the first events she attended was a PhD Chat, an informal guided conversation to discuss some of the challenges associated with the often-lonely PGR journey. As Westmere Scholars, Diana and Faith are part of the team leading the current PhD Chat series. All of the sessions fit the theme of (Re)Connection. As pandemic restrictions lift, many of us are curious about how we will connect again with the PGR community (or for the first time, if we’ve had trouble establishing those connections already). Last week was the initial chat in the series. This was a very informal check-in, just to see how PGRs were doing, and their hopes and fears about (re)connecting with the larger community.

Diana (left) and Faith (right), Westmere Scholars

Caring for PGR carers

This week, 7-13 June 2021, is Carers Week. Carers look after a family member or friend who has a disability, mental or physical illness or who needs extra help as they grow older. Carers make a significant contribution to their families, communities and society, so it’s important to recognise the valuable work they do, and to make sure they receive the support they need. This is particularly true for PGRs who are carers and are juggling the dual challenges of research and caring.

I cannot claim to have first-hand experience of the challenges of caring, but here are some of my thoughts on the ways in which we, as members of the UoB PGR community, can support our PGR colleagues who are also carers. Although Carers Week focusses on caring for those with a disability, mental or physical illness, many of the suggested actions here apply equally to parents or guardians of young children.

We need to talk… about PhD student mental health

Just in time for Time to Talk Day on Thursday 4 February, Samantha Sandilands, a PGR from the School of Management, talks about some of her early warning signs and the value of support networks in matters of mental health.  A fuller version of this post can be found on LinkedIn.

The PhD process has been amazing in so many ways. What nobody can prepare you for however, is how much it challenges your mental health.

Samantha’s concrete pumpkin

Eight months in, I attended a session for PhD students at a conference, delivered by the amazing Beth Patmore, about mental health during your doctorate. I could relate to so much of what she was saying, but I never really associated it with poor mental health. Procrastination, strange sleeping patterns, putting on weight, overeating, feeling guilty for having a day off… in my group we all agreed that we could relate. As Beth read out some of the signs, ripples of agreement travelled through the room, some uncomfortable laughter, nodding, awkward silences. Even at that stage, the signs were there but I brushed it off… “I’ll be fine”.