Parenting as a PGR: embracing the challenge

In this post, Ed Clay, a PGR in the Department of Modern Languages and a father of twins, gives his tips for juggling parenthood and PhD research.

Lots of postgraduate researchers refer to their PhD project as their ‘baby’. That is, of course, until they have a real one! It goes without saying that parenting while doing a PhD comes with its difficulties, but none of them are insurmountable, and some may even end up helping to motivate you through to the finish line. I’m sure there are endless pieces of advice for PhD parents out there but hopefully my experiences might help people in a similar position to embrace the challenge.

Ed Clay

In my experience, the most important thing to do from the outset is to make sure you have the right mindset. Stop comparing yourself to PGRs who are not parents and stop feeling like you need to do everything they do. The reality is that you will need to make sacrifices and simply won’t be able to commit to as many conferences and other opportunities as you might like. However, this can also work in your favour because it forces you to be selective and only sign up to those things that you are sure will benefit you directly.

It is likely that you will go through periods of feeling guilty for being away from your children and for not spending all the time you have with them because of your research commitments. I find the best way to overcome this is, where possible, to make sure you have regular family time each day and each week that is protected and sacrosanct, and ensure that you put your research to the back of your mind during all those times. It’s not always easy to switch off like this, but the more you try to do this, the easier you will find it to cope with the feelings of guilt when you are away from them.

In practical terms, I have found that there are other seemingly small changes you can make to your day-to-day research routine which can have a big impact on your family life. If you are lucky enough to have children who sleep relatively well through the night, as ours now do, then try to make the most of the time that you have when they are asleep. I work well in the early morning, so I found getting up an hour or so before the children allowed me to increase my undisturbed working hours significantly per week.

This might seem like an obvious change, but at first I was rigidly sticking to my usual working hours that I had before children, and getting frustrated when my productivity was not as good. This wouldn’t work for everyone and some people much prefer working later in the evening, but it is important to think creatively about how you can block out a decent amount of time for yourself to get research done in a way that doesn’t affect the time you are able to spend with your children.

The main thing to remember when working your way through PhD research while also raising a family is that your research routine will look very different from most other researchers because you obviously need to prioritise your children. However, prioritising your children does not mean putting your PhD work on the back-burner, just that you need to be a little more creative in how your manage your time and be selective on what you commit to. Don’t be afraid to say ‘no’ to things that don’t fit with your plans. After all, that great feeling when you finally submit your thesis will make those late nights (or early mornings) all worth it!

Juggling Priorities: Navigating Parenthood and Postgraduate Studies with Grace

Starting yesterday, the University of Birmingham’s Parents and Carers Fortnight 2023 is a programme of events from the Parents and Carers Network. Natalia Hartono, a final year PhD student in Mechanical Engineering, shares how she balances her research programme with her responsibilities as a parent.

Balancing the responsibilities of being a postgraduate researcher and a parent is a unique challenge that demands sacrifice and unwavering determination. In this blog post, I will share my personal journey, highlighting the valuable lessons I’ve learned along the way. Despite the difficulties, maintaining a positive mindset, embracing personal growth, and having positive supports have been instrumental in navigating this demanding lifestyle.

Embracing Scholarships and Responsibilities

Receiving scholarships to pursue my postgraduate studies was a privilege, but it also came with significant responsibilities. Meeting requirements and achieving milestones demanded substantial time and effort. I am grateful for the opportunity to pursue my studies and acknowledge the sacrifices my family has made to support me on this journey.

Finding Joy in the Journey

Natalia competing in the final of the 2022 UoB 3MT

Participating in university events and competitions has truly enriched my academic experience. Instead of fixating solely on winning, I have always prioritised embracing the joy that comes from the process itself. I firmly believe that the true value lies in the growth and learning that occur along the way, regardless of the final outcome. This mindset is something I am wholeheartedly instilling in my child, teaching her the importance of embracing both successes and failures as opportunities for personal development. By embodying resilience and persistence, I am actively laying a foundation for my child’s future, emphasizing the fulfilment that stems from the journey rather than the pursuit of victory.

The Price of Pursuing Higher Education

Behind the accomplishments lie a multitude of sacrifices: sleepless nights, working on weekends and holidays, and missing out on leisure time have been part of my journey. However, I always make an effort to find dedicated time for my daughter, showing her that she is loved and cared for. While the path has not been easy, my family and I have prioritised my studies, knowing that these sacrifices are temporary and will ultimately benefit our collective future.

Overcoming Challenges During the Pandemic

Starting my PhD and adjusting to a new school for my child in a foreign country coincided with the pandemic’s challenges. Lockdowns and school closures disrupted our routines, but through resilience and unwavering support, we navigated through. My husband’s understanding and our commitment to prioritising our daughter’s needs played a vital role. Night-time chats became our solace, fostering stability. I adapted my study routine to dedicate focused time at night, balancing academics with my daughter’s emotional well-being. This experience taught us the value of flexibility, adaptability, and family support in challenging times, strengthening our bond.

The Power of Supportive Networks and Services

Building a strong support system is crucial for successfully balancing parenting and postgraduate studies. My relationship with my supervisor and research group has provided invaluable guidance and encouragement. Additionally, utilising resources such as Library Services and joining networks like the “Shut Up and Work” community have improved my time management skills and created a supportive environment. Importantly, I’ve also recognised the importance of seeking help when needed and accessing mental health support during periods of burnout.

Navigating the demanding yet fulfilling phase of balancing parenthood and pursuing postgraduate studies requires sacrifice, understanding, consistency, and a positive mindset. Throughout my personal journey, I have come to appreciate the significance of embracing the process and cherishing the valuable lessons learned from both triumphs and setbacks. The unwavering support of my family and the resources available to me have been invaluable. Although the path may not always be easy, prioritising and fostering a supportive environment enable us to navigate this demanding yet fulfilling phase of our lives. Remember, you are not alone—seek support, maintain a positive outlook, and find joy in gracefully managing these intertwined priorities.

2023: Happy New Year!

Welcome back after the Christmas break – I hope you had a restful one, and are feeling refreshed. Have you chosen your New Year’s Resolutions yet?

Photo by Engin Akyurt on Pexels.com

It’s traditional at this time of year to resolve to make positive changes to our lives – or at least, the media would have us believe this is what we “should” be doing. We’ve talked before about setting achievable goals, simply focusing on milestones, and how wellbeing is the bedrock of successful research resolutions. This year, I’d like to think a bit about deadlines.

One of the reasons I think New Year’s Resolutions are both so appealing and so intimidating is the timescale – you have a whole year for this. “I’m going to re-decorate my whole house” seems totally manageable when you’ve got 12 months to complete it (despite you knowing full well you didn’t manage to find the time or inclination to re-decorate any of the rooms last year). On the flip side, “I’m going to do full meal planning every week” quickly seems like a mountain when you realise you’re going to have to keep it up for 52 consecutive weeks.

This illustrates nicely the power of taking timescales and deadlines into account when you’re planning – whether that’s putting together a short or longer term research plan, or thinking about changes to your lifestyle or wellbeing. Be realistic about what you can achieve and set yourself clear timescales with interim deadlines to help you monitor your progress. Ideally, share those deadlines with others so you can be held accountable, or make sure you establish a monitoring process to hold yourself accountable (don’t break the chain!).

So whether you are a keen resolution-setter, or a reluctant research planner, take your time to set realistic, achievable goals with clear timelines and accountability to help keep your 2023 on track.

Or maybe the most appropriate approach for you is to timetable another date on which to think about these kinds of things, when there’s a bit more light in the sky and fewer chocolates in the house.

#AcWriMo & online writing communities for off-campus PGRs

In this post, Freya Watkins, a PGR in Psychology, shares her thoughts on the value of #AcWriMoatUoB.

Doing a PhD is often an isolating and alienating experience. You’re responsible for creating your own structure, often left to your own devices while you muddle through the ups and downs of research. PGRs with office space may still only see their peers or colleagues occasionally due to our varied individual schedules. Even that minimal in-person interaction on campus disappeared for PGRs for some time when the COVID-19 hit.

But for many of us, not being on campus was the norm long before the pandemic: disabled and chronically ill PGRs, parents and carers, distance learners, and working-class PGRs who must work alongside their research. A lot of PGRs are also part-time, working from home alone, and on a longer journey than the average doctoral candidate. The system is so broken that we end up working for free, writing up on evenings and weekends because PhDs aren’t funded/paid properly. Online events earlier in the pandemic provided off-campus PGRs with unprecedented access to conferences, webinars, workshops, lab meetings and co-working. But as universities rush back to in-person events, showing that lessons about accessibility haven’t been learned from COVID-19, PGRs working off-campus face a return to WFH loneliness.

Screenshot of Freya’s gather.town virtual PGR office

One way that has helped reduce this isolation for me is using online co-working spaces to get a sense of solidarity, community and accountability with other PGRs. Over the past few years I’ve tried various different platforms and groups: regular writing sessions with friends over Zoom, the UGS Shut Up & Work sessions on Teams, and the always-open PhDForum Online Study Room. My cohort even re-created our office space on gather.town to get that communal office feeling during lockdowns. The Monday evening work sessions on the Common Room Discord are still going strong, and PGRs on the UGS Teams channel are increasingly autonomously organising their own ‘drop-in & work’ sessions. Some PGRs who are on campus even join live from the library, but just prefer to have some online company and accountability to work, which is great too! Over the years I’ve met PGRs across different departments who I wouldn’t otherwise have had contact with, whose co-working company is just as important to my progress as my supervisors and lab members.

A great introduction to co-writing community is Academic Writing Month (#AcWriMo), which offers an opportunity for PGRs to set themselves a ‘SMART’ writing target for the month and focus on achieving that goal together with others. Last year, UGS organised three SU&W online sessions a week on the Teams channel, hosted by the UGS Scholars. The particular focus on getting words written rather than just ‘co-working’ helped me to achieve specific writing goals, like drafting sections of a thesis chapter. I remember one particularly inspired session where I got 1,000 words done in four Pomodoro sessions. There was a great sense of community last November, with more faces than at the usual weekly sessions, and knowing everyone had a writing goal helped us motivate each other mutually to achieve that target.

For #AcWriMoAtUoB 2022, UGS have organised a diverse program of writing sessions and workshops. Whether online or in-person, have a go at setting yourself a writing goal, and you might surprise yourself with how much you achieve! You may even discover that the routine, accountability and camaraderie of co-writing sessions are helpful for getting PhD work done beyond November, even if you do most of your work in the library or office. And for those of us off-campus, we’ll keep plugging away in our online writing rooms, organising our own access and community, going at our own pace.

#AcWriMo: why take part and what’s happening?

Natalia Hartono is a PhD student in the Mechanical Engineering Department. This time last year marked the beginning of her third year, and tons of to-do lists! Here, she shares how #AcWriMo 2021 helped her. And read about how you can get involved with #AcWriMo 2022.

Natalia writes

I signed up for AcWriMo in November of 2021. I’ve been a member of PGR Shut up and Work ever since the pandemic, and the first one I attended was conducted online. To me, attending these sessions, whether they are held in person or online, is a fantastic opportunity.

The announcement of AcWriMo 2021 made me happy because I gain a lot from these meetings. Shut up and Work only takes place once a week, but in the month of November, it happened three times a week! I’m glad there were more schedules to join in because November was a busy month for me. I’m trying to balance my time between studying, meeting deadlines, working as a PGTA, and taking care of my child.

Taking Stock

As we set out on a new academic year, Kate Spencer-Bennett, an Academic Writing Advisor in the Academic Skills Centre, reflects on her experience of taking stock at the start of her research programme.

Will you be ‘taking stock’ at the start of this term? Whether this new academic year finds you starting out on your PhD or continuing your studies, could it be useful to take stock?

The Yellow Books, 1887 (oil on canvas) by Gogh, Vincent van (1853-90).

In the autumn of 2014, I had my first PhD supervision meeting. Having just tied up the loose threads of my Master’s dissertation, I was now wondering how I go back to the beginning. What I should be doing with my time? Where should I begin? Friends setting out on the same path reported leaving their first supervision meeting with long reading lists and longer to do lists. To my relief, I recall my supervisor telling me in that first meeting that the run up to Christmas should be a period of ‘taking stock’. I liked this phrase and, despite – or perhaps because of – its lack of any sense of urgency, I found it very motivating.

Productivity and motivation together? Try Kanban.

A couple of weeks into the first lockdown, in 2020, I started keeping a list of the things I had completed each week and e-mailing it to my manager before I shut down my computer on a Friday afternoon. The reasons I started doing this were created by lockdown, but I’ve carried on doing it ever since because it had a rather glorious side effect; it is motivating.

Instead of trying to make progress through a to-do list which never seems to get shorter, I am now measuring my achievements through a “done list” which gets steadily longer over the week. Sometimes it stays stubbornly short for the first few days, if I’m working on a longer task, but then I get to add something substantial to it, and it starts to grow again.

I’m not the only one who thinks a done list is a good way of doing things, but if you can’t quite see how it would work for you in isolation, then you might like to try a technique called Kanban. Kanban comes from the Japanese for signboard, and is a way of visualising progress, including what you have already done.

A simple Kanban board
Photo credit: Kanban Tool

#takebreaksmakebreakthroughs

Birmingham 2022, the Commonwealth Games, finishes today. Birmingham, and the University of Birmingham Hockey & Squash Centre, has been awash with athletes and spectators from across the globe and the atmosphere has been lively and friendly. Perry has been out and about at all the venues helping to get the parties started.

The teams prepare for the third quarter in the men’s final between Australia and India at the University of Birmingham Hockey Centre.

So what does this have to do with your research programme? Nothing. Nothing at all. Sometimes it’s necessary to take a break, and if the sun is out and there’s an international festival going on in your University’s city, then that seems like a good time to take it. Whether you enjoy sport or not, there’s a festival atmosphere and plenty going on.

PGR: Parent grappling with research?

This week is part of the University of Birmingham’s Parents and Carers Fortnight 2022. Sarah Chung, a parent and a PGR in the School of Education, shares the strategies which help her balance the demands of both.

I never thought that I would be doing a PhD. I particularly didn’t think I would be doing a PhD whilst navigating the wonderful world of parenthood. However, in 2018 I found myself doing exactly that. I was nervous – I think every postgraduate researcher has heard at least one horror story and, in my case, I had friends who had completed PhDs in their early/mid 20s and without children, who had said how hard it had been. However, having previously done my Masters in the School of Education, I knew how supportive the lecturers and staff were, and so I began my journey as a part-time postgraduate researcher.

Photo by Juan Pablo Serrano Arenas on Pexels.com

There were many aspects of studying for my PhD that were tricky initially and part of my first year was spent working out how, or if, I could make it work. For me, ensuring that my research work didn’t impact on my time with my children was essential and so, through some trial and error, I found a schedule that worked for us. So, what helped?

Step away from the screen

I have a friend who routinely gives up social media for her Lenten sacrifice. While I would find it a bit extreme to give up all social media (either temporarily or permanently), I do find myself admiring her ability to switch it all off a little wistfully. Some days it feels like I spend the whole time simply switching from one screen (laptop) to another (phone) to another (TV) before sleep, only to start again with another screen first thing the next morning. And when there’s so much distressing news coming through all online channels, we can all be prone to a bit of doomscrolling, even though we know it’s not helping (us or anyone else).

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

So maybe this is a good time to think about changing our habits to get away from the glare of the screen and/or the distractions which come with being always connected. No doubt both our eyes and wellbeing will thank us! Here are some actions I have found particularly useful for this.